Fanfic (Unofficial) Katbox Bad Fanfiction Contest!

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The Reclining Viking
Katbox Patreon
Oct 11, 2013
Personal Text
I regret nothing
Ah, time zones eluded me! also I kinda forgot due to assignments and work.
If it's not too late, here's my entry. It became a little self aware, so please don't startle it with sudden movements.
Born of science.

Regretfully written by Fen

With heavy eyelids and the taste of stale alcohol in his mouth Rexley sat at the
helm. He was weary from waiting, and the silence that filled the bridge made him
restless. The discomfort burrowed into him like a dodgy colonoscopy.
Through the silence a gentle hand found its way onto his shoulder, and it startled
Rexley as if he had clipped his fingers in a cupboard door. It wasn’t at all painful, just
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” A gentle, crumpled paper voice
whispered sweetly.
“It’s fine, Parvani, I just didn’ hear yeh.” Rexley mumbled back, like children
often do when they’re in trouble.
“You’re too tired to pilot this ship, let Mary take over.” She spoke softly as she
slithered slowly beside him. Her stature and stance seemed as seductive as sibilance
being used so very strenuously.
But Rexley ignored her. His mind was as active as a sloth in season, and it was
focused elsewhere.
“You’re worried, aren’t you? About Johan?” Parvani asked.
“Of course I am!” Rexley cried as his frustration grew faster than someone solving
a rubric’s cube. “If someone was ‘bout ter give birth ter yer child, yer would be too!”
Parvani backed away. She wanted to be cautious and avoid causing him any more
duress, but Parvani had always been unable to tread on eggshells.
“It’s not natural, Rexley.” She hissed. “I don’t care what Dr. Wimble and Boris did
to Johan.”
“He always wanted ter be a mother, yer know that.” Rexley spat back. “No man,
nor god can stand between Johan an me child. Not even you!”
Parvani gasped in shock. Rexleys words had hurt more than any stubbed toe, and
the tone his voice carried the jagged edges of a lego brick beneath a misplaced
footstep. The thought that she would do such a thing was inconceivable.
Parvani turned to a window and to stare into the abyss of space. Unfortunately, as
they were still planet side, the notion was rather redundant.
“Do you love him?” Parvani whispered.
“I can’t hear yer when yer talk to the window.” Rexley replied.
Parvani pivoted to face him.
“He carries your child! By the heavens, and the foulest pits of heck, that is the
merit of which so many a honest man testifies of who they intend to spend their days
by, to caress in light and dark, to place with joy in their eye whenever the chance
arises, and to keep firmly in their heart ‘til the final wisps of life escape from the
irksome confides of the mortal body. So tell me, in honest and pure words, if you love
him and only him with all of your heart!” She cried. Sweat beaded on her forehead
and her chest heaved with each breath. ”Nice…” the writer thought.
Rexley sat, baffled by her words. The thought had never occurred to him that his
heart might have been cleft in two. There was no doubt that his both his atrium
belonged to Johan, but could his left and right ventricles belong to Parvani? Was it
also possible that only the left was reserved to Parvani, and the right was for another?
Rexley shook his head. The drowsiness had made him far too literal in his
thinking, and he thanked Caroline’s bizarre romance novels for the anatomy of the
heart he had learned. Rexley began to blame those damnable excuses for romance for
all his troubles. They were what spurred Caroline to agree to help Johan father his
child. Those hybrids of poorly written science fiction plot, with all their obvious flaws
and unexplainable phenomena, and romance had inspired her to recreate one of her
favourite story of star crossed lovers.
But Rexley could never understand how she had modified Johan, so he could never
be bothered to try and explain it, and the thought of traveling across from star to star
had become mundane in his career as a pilot.
But all that was to be pushed to the wayside, as Paravnis question still loomed like
a passive-aggressive boss.
“At the helm, we became close. More than just comrades, like some soviet cupid
was there. Aye, I love ‘im.” Rexley confessed. “but the cargo hold is only half full,
and me remainin’ space is yours.”
Parvani lingered for a moment, trying to work out what she had just heard. “so…
so does that mean you want to be with Johan, or what? I don’t get it.”
“It means I love yer both!” he cried.
When he looked up to meet Parvani’s gaze, his heart had risen to his throat. Her
eyes were full of tears.
“Oh, Rexley…” she whispered as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her voice was
heavy with guilt as she spoke. Her gentle speech wavered with the tone of someone
who was about to betray another. “I have to betray you.”
Rexley gasped with surprise.
“No, Rexley! Let me explain! I met him some time ago, while you and Boris were
still married. He’s bold, adventurous, and such a polite gentleman. He bartered for my
heart, and won. I was hoping that you had eyes for Johan alone, it would have made
this so much easier.” Parvani sobbed.
Rexley was about to speak when the smell finally tickled his nose. Tobacco from
Grixus Prime, a trading planet on the outer edge of the Horsehead nebula, and he
knew the smell well from an old drinking buddy of his. The drinking buddy who was
also his old fence from his days of piracy. Rexleys fears were confirmed when he
heard the alledged stranger speak with that voice that sounded like the love-child of
Morgan Freeman and Tom Waits.
“You know me Rex. I’m a haggler.”
He turned to face him. That one eye looked down on him, the bent cigarette
glowed a gentle cherry red, and his smile challenged Rexley to try out bid him.
“yeah, Rex, I know who I am.” He replied. “Don’t worry about putting on the
kettle, I’ll be out of your hair soon.”
Rexley looked over to Parvani in confusion.
“We have been planning to elope for some time now. Farron has just done a deal to
ensure us financially, and all the new employees means that my role can be filled…
somehow. I’m sorry Rexley, but this is good-bye.” Parvani spoke gently.
Rexley could only stand by and watch as Farron and Parvani loaded themselves
into an escape pod and launched away from the Bubbles. Words escaped him as the
woman who owned a solid 47% of his heart drift away. He heard himself mutter as
his almost-half love vanished into the void of space.
“Damn you Farron. Damn you and your mad-awesome swag.”

also, I'm not sure how to write shipping stories. I assumed they were drama romance and kinda staggered my way from there. also, sorry about the tangents all over the place.
Likes: Phuufy

Captain Video

Frontier Psychiatrist
Gallery Volunteer
Sep 4, 2009
Partially Submerged Boat
Personal Text
"No man can eat fifty Faberge eggs!"
Alright, contest closed for real this time! Thanks to everyone who entered; I'll read these tomorrow after I've had some sleep so I can appreciate how terrible they are.
[DOUBLEPOST=1436055825,1435900994][/DOUBLEPOST]Status report! We've heard back from Falc; he's in a transitional period and won't have regular access to the Internet until mid-August or so. At his suggestion we'll be announcing the contest results in two weeks, giving the three of us time to review everything. See you all then, and thanks again to everyone who participated.
[DOUBLEPOST=1437098427][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm afraid I have to announce another delay. I haven't heard from Falc in awhile - he did check earlier in the month but said he won't have regular internet until August - and Nixie is off camping. I believe she'll be gone for a week or two, so it'll be at least until then that we can all confer and decide. Sorry to keep you all waiting like this.


Gallery Volunteer
Jun 5, 2013
beyond the dream
I'm back! Although it took me a little bit longer than expected...

I should be done reading the entries by the end of the day, so expect the results of judging shortly (probably a couple days to allow for communication).