Fanfic Sketch humor thread

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Merrick Rose

Katbox Forum Member
Apr 20, 2007
1,119
62
30
Tuscaloosa, AL
Personal Text
I like the way you die, boy.
#1
So because of the Emoticon Theater going under, I thought I'd try to revitalize it somehow...

Steamed Hams, but it's with Las Lindas characters

-Alsadia knocks on Taffy's door-

Alsadia: Well, Ria, I made it, despite your directions.
Taffy: Ah! Chef Alsadia, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon. ^.^
Alsadia: Mm-hmm.
-She sticks the bottle of wine she brought with her in an ice bucket as Taffy goes into the kitchen. The bunny sees the oven on fire.-
Taffy: Huh? Oh, no! My roast is ruined!
-She looks out the window. There's a McBurger Castle right across the street-
Taffy: But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking. Hehehe... Delightfully devilish, Taffy.
-she takes off her apron and is about to go out the window when Alsadia comes in-
Alsadia: RIA!
Taffy: Ch-Chef! I was just, um... Stretching my calves on the windowsill. It's a new yoga exercise. Care to join me?
Alsadia: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Ria?
Taffy: Hm? Oh! That's not smoke! That's... Steam! From the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... -Rubs her belly- Steamed clams.
-Alsadia seems satisfied and goes back into the dining room.-
Taffy: Whew!
-She climbs out the window and runs across the street. Several minutes later, she goes into the dining room carrying a tray of hamburgers-
Taffy: Chef, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers!
Alsadia: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Taffy: No, I said steamed HAMS. That's what I call hamburgers.
Alsadia: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Taffy: Yes. It's a regional dialect.
Alsadia: Is that so? What region?
Taffy: Um... I believe somewhere in North Dakota.
Alsadia: You don't say? Well, I'm from Bismarck, and I've never heard anyone call them steamed hams.
Taffy: Well, not in Bismarck, no. It's a Fargo expression.
Alsadia: I see.
-They pick up a couple burgers and start eating, Taffy sipping some wine-
Alsadia: ...You know, these hamburgers are very similar to the ones they make at McBurger Castle.
Taffy: Ohoho, no! It's an old family recipe. It's at least 70 years old.
Alsadia: For steamed hams.
Taffy: Yes!
Alsadia: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they're obviously grilled.
Taffy: Oh. Um, well... You see... The thing is...
-She smells smoke in the kitchen and wipes her mouth-
Taffy: Will you excuse me for a minute?
Alsadia: Of course.
-Taffy gets up and excuses herself to the kitchen, coming back out right away with a fake yawn. Her entire kitchen is on fire. Taffy forgot to turn the oven off.-
Taffy: Well, that was wonderful! A good time was had by all! I'm all tuckered out!
Alsadia: Yes, I'd best be- -Points towards Taffy's kitchen- Oh my god! What is happening in there!?
Taffy: Aurora Borealis?
Alsadia: I- AURORA BOREALIS?! AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN!?
Taffy: ...Yes.
Alsadia: ...May I see it?
Taffy: No.
-They walk outside together-
Taffy's Grandfather: Taffy, the house is on fire!
Taffy: No, Grandpa! That's just the Northern Lights!
Alsadia: Well, Ria, you are an odd woman indeed, but I must say... You steam a good ham.
-Half of Taffy's house is on fire now. Alsadia thinks she smells smoke, but Taffy gives her a plastic smile and a thumbs up as she leaves, a fire truck zooming to the scene-
Taffy's Grandfather: HELP! HEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!
 
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